Obesity’s Easiest Fix
In response to recent minimum wage hike discussions, US Congressman Bill Sali introduced the Obesity Reduction and Health Promotion Act. The bill proposes to reduce gravity by 10%, thus reducing the weight of all Americans.
As a freshman Congressman, the likely passage of this measure has taught me a new principle: The force of Congress can be brought to bear and justified to suspend those natural laws which would otherwise control important matters. The well-intentioned desire of Congress to help the poor apparently will not be restrained by the rules and principles of the free market that otherwise do restrain American businesses and workers. Apparently, Congress can change the rules that would otherwise affect the affairs of mankind.
So, Mr. Speaker, I have asked my staff to draft a measure I call the Obesity Reduction and Health Promotion Act. Since Congress will apparently not be restrained by the laws and principles that naturally exist, I propose that the force of gravity by the force of Congress be reduced by 10 percent. Mr. Speaker, that will result in immediate weight loss for every American. It will immediately help reduce obesity problems in America. Weight loss will also help to promote the overall health of Americans as we have been vigilantly advised by our health care.
If Congress can defy the laws of the market, why not defy the laws of physics? I think that is a great idea. It will finally rid me of those last ten pounds I have been meaning to lose for quite some time now. After all, we all know two things: (1) the minimum wage really helps poor people, (2) generally, you can lose weight without diet and exercise.
